Gaslighting is a form of psychological-emotional abuse that Controlling types of personalities use to which a victim is manipulated into doubting and discrediting their own memories, perceptions, experiences and sanity.Sociopaths and Narcissists frequently use gaslighting tactics, on individuals or to control larger groups of people to their personal advantage. Gaslighting is also used commonly in the mass media, as a form of controlling the dissemination of information given to the public, such as intended for political control, or to control the perception of the public to be favorable in moving in the direction of supporting specific agendas. It is a mass psychological tool that spins half-truths and deceptions in order to manipulate information and factual data in ways that obfuscate the whole picture. Controllers and tyrants, whether they are personal family members or active in public affairs, want to remain in control and their agenda is more important to them than anyone else’s. Thus, they seek to suppress or remove any information they feel is threatening to their agenda, and stop it from being made public knowledge. These people are duplicitous, and they show different faces to different people, in order to get whatever they want, and usually they could care less about the cost that will have to other people. When people do not have the whole picture of events, and they are being deceived and manipulated with only limited access to the truth contained in circumstances, it obfuscates their ability to make informed, clear and well thought out decisions. No person can be truly self-determining and make positive choices in their life direction, if they are reliant on people that are lying and deceiving them with false information. This is a critical reason to discern liars and manipulators, and get them out from influencing our life decisions, stop giving them access to our most intimate and vulnerable aspects. All people need to earn our trust by demonstrating trustworthiness. We can unconditionally love people that are deceivers and manipulators, even as some may be biological family members, but we need to become 100% clear that we never allow that person to exert any type of control over us, by setting strong boundaries. It does not matter who they are and what their position in life is, or that they have doctorates and titles, or they are blood relations. If they demonstrate these negative behaviors, if they become abusive when you reveal your true self to them, stay awake and alert, observe everything and be wary of them.
Gaslighting that is used in intimate or family relationships, is often to deny the right of the person to have their own authentic expression, experience and perception of events that has happened to them. The manipulator uses gaslighting to discredit their victim’s experience and perception in their reality, many times with the use of skillful psychological and emotional manipulation that is designed to eradicate the other person’s version of the story or experience. Gaslighters like to tell other people what they are feeling, what they are perceiving, what they should be doing, and criticize and condemn anything else they do not agree with in that persons experience, because it is not favorable to serve their own selfish agendas. Some Gaslighters feel threatened by a person’s emotional expression that they have had intimate control over, so this a popular technique with dominating males that want to have complete possessive control over their wives or partners. When they feel that they are losing control, they feel threatened and lash out with gaslighting tactics. Clearly advanced manipulators such as Gaslighters, have low to no capacity for feeling compassion or empathy for another person’s emotional experiences, (especially if this is in conflict to what they want or their belief systems) as all they care about is furthering their personal agendas or storyline at the expense of their victim.
Additionally the characteristic feature of Gaslighting is the same as the Controller archetypes, it is the internal belief system of having ownership over another human being, or groups of human beings, and therefore the right to overrule the other person’s perception of reality, for whatever the reasons. The Controller has no concern for personal freedom, sovereignty, the right to personal expression and the right to co-existence that intrinsically belongs to all people. When Controller types do not get the reaction they want through intimidation and emotional extortion, they may graduate to sophisticated levels of Gaslighting which may even appear to be coherent, but it is actually designed to weaken, attack and hurt their victim. This takes forms of hitting below the belt and manipulating emotional buttons, which are forms of emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Examples of ownership reveal themselves in every kind of relationship dynamic:
• A Mother who says the fact that she gave birth to her adult son, gives her the right to tell him and gossip to others, what a thoughtless jerk he is to her, whether it’s true or not.
• A Husband says that now that he has married his wife, she exists to service his needs and make him happy.
• A Boyfriend that paid for something his girlfriend needed, now says she owes him this favor of doing something she does not want to do, because of what he has given her to pay her bills.
• A Guy on a first date with a girl, tells her after dinner because he’s paid for it, she’s obligated to have sex with him.
• A Employer tells his employee that he gave her the job, and if she wants to keep it, she better bring him coffee at 9 am every day.
In all of these examples, the prevailing personality defect in the Controller group is the belief system that you have the right to assume or take ownership over other people, and that you can deny their right to have their own experiences, feelings and perceptions of reality. When you deny people the freedom to express themselves authentically, you are denying them the right to be authentic, honest and act as real people. In the Gaslighting set up, the victim cannot be who they really are, without being severely punished by the controller/manipulator, who is threatened when the person is being truthful, honest, or has the desire to improve or explore themselves. This is the set up on the earth for socially engineering mass duplicity. We live in a society filled with Gaslighting tactics that are used to strip every person of their true or authentic sense of identity, by taking away their personal freedom to be as they are. Instead people are handed a long list of socially acceptable conditions filled with duplicity and deception, that they have to comply with, in order to be considered successful or happy people. This list is self-enforced by the people we know that believe in and support that program.
In the western world we are told a popular life style narrative from our families, educational centers, and social structures that in order to be a happy and successful person, we must follow a specific program. If we do not follow that program given to us as the narrative of control, this threatens the people reinforcing that program. If we determine our happiness is to listen to our own inner guidance, and we act upon it, people in the program will tell you that you cannot possibly be successful and happy. Instead, they may project upon you to be a social reject, or use terms that are used to degrade your self-esteem to make you doubt your decisions. The most important piece to pay attention to with Gaslighting is to get clarity of your own feelings, experiences and perceptions, and to never give power to any other person to interpret your experience or degrade what is meaningful to your heart. Gaslighters will tell you how to feel and when to feel, and that your heart based feelings and direct experiences do not matter. Never listen to these damaged people, and take warning from any person that seeks to control what you feel or do not feel, as determined by your own circumstances. All of us must be strong enough to trust ourselves in our own experiences, and to share these experiences with the small intimate group of people that allow you to have authentic feelings, expressing emotions, having experiences that are uniquely your own. Be strong and clear in yourself, you do not need to defend or excuse your feelings, or perceptions of reality to any other person, when your actions are not harming anyone. We all must defend our personal right to explore our true and authentic selves, expressing and exploring our emotions and perceptions, asking the hard and difficult questions, to reach the truth inside ourselves. Protect the truth inside you, and you will become the protector of the truth inside everyone else. Your reality, your feelings, your perceptions, are not up for debate. A open and honest dialogue with the purpose of mutuality should not make you feel afraid, ashamed or confused.
From now on, let’s not punish each other for doing the things that we all require as human beings to become healthy, centered and happy. Let’s not give our power to feed damaged people that are Controllers, Manipulators and Gaslighters. There is enough love and happiness for us all. ~LR
We suggest you watch the classic movie Gaslight, which is as riveting today, as it was in 1944.