Hello, I am VERY new to all that is happening. I have always lived in the deep South and never been knowledgeable of Eastern Religions or really anything spiritual (just a bad taste in my mouth about organized religion: Southern Baptist). I've always been very independent and never bought into organized religion, thus quite the 'out cast' in my family and community. So....jump forward many many years ...still no particular religion or spirituality in my life ..but started listening to Eckhart Tolle and BAM! One thing led to another - I was taken on a wild ride - that led me through all the things happening in the world, that I'd never paid any attention to (just didn't think it really mattered). I went through watching 'channelers,' on youtube - and somehow knowing that although it seemed OK and happy - it wasn't for me - to stumbling across Lisa Renee and feeling a deep 'knowing' that I needed to hear the information that she was providing. This whole process has taken place in the last 3-4 months and I barely recognize myself some days anymore. I don't understand why I seem to understand or 'know' what she's saying or why I can't seem to stop seeking out information, even long enough to think about it all. I just know I'm supposed to be listening to her words and connecting to the information. I've never been psychic in any way nor have I ever had any interest, at all, in UFO's or anything associated with ET life. I'm not a frightful person. I've always been open minded and somewhat able to 'sense' right from wrong, good from bad, but I've never thought much about it.
OK ...sorry ....that's a very short background which leads to my question.
When I started trying to find out what Chakra's are and started talking to my guides and asking for help and understanding, I first got a very joyful feelings that I think were probably 5th dimensional, but I didn't think that's where I wanted to stay ...and those feeling went away pretty quickly (not that I said anything to make them leave). The problem is that now, I keep getting VERY VERY frightening feelings every time I try to learn to meditate (like a very dark presence is near me), and also at night during sleep. I have never been a person who remembers having dreams, at all. I can count all the dreams during my entire life on one hand. Now, all of a sudden, I'm having nightmares. I go to sleep and start having the most horrible dream feelings ...I'm totally engulfed in fear (that I don't recognize) I don't know the cause of the fear - I just can't move at all and I can't call out for help, then I become aware that I am dreaming and I start talking myself out of t he dream and wake myself up. I wake up sometimes drenched in sweat with muscle cramps in my legs and feet. I have done, and continue to do, the releasing fear exercises that are on the website as well as one from a lady named Inelia Benz, but so far no results. I also my 12d shield as best I can - it is difficult for me to see anything in my mind at this point, but I have the picture provided on the website and use that as an image in my mind. I guess my question or reason for this email is to see if there is something else I need to do, that I'm just not aware of at this point. The overwhelming and paralyzing fear at night is really troubling and the scary 'presence' I feel when trying to learn to meditate is proving completely disruptive to my progress. I've had a feeling that the 'presence' may be a dark part of 'me' that needs to be faced and reclaimed - but I don't seem to be able to get past the feelings of terror that grab me and hold me hostage long enough for 'right action' in the moment to have passed.
I am totally resonate with the Law of One, and use the words often in my continued pursuit of total awakening. I am God, I am Sovereign, I am Free.
I hope this email makes some sense, as I feel I'm really rambling. Thank you so much for your time and for any help or insight you may offer.