Practical Tips and Strategies for Controlling Anger and Dealing with Angry People
Some people can feel angry when under stress or pressure which is very common at this time. However if we indulge playing out rage type of behaviors, this state is not healthy for you or others around you. Out of control anger is a lack of self discipline and self awareness which can be improved drastically through these practical tips. Anger is a poison that wreaks havoc with your body an attracts negative entities. Here are some tips to help you learn to relax and be peaceful even when in the presence of others who are angry. This is a basic step in learning to discipline and control one's negative ego.
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools such as deep breathing, meditation and relaxing imagery can help calm down angry feelings. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are emotionally triggered, it may be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques. Do not try to discuss things when tempers are flared, allow each other to take some space and return to the conversation when feeling more calm. Remember that no person can make you feel angry unless you give them consent. This way you take responsibility for your mental and emotional state and re-pattern into more positive behavior and communication style.
Some simple steps you can try:
• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm. Breathing shallow as from your chest will not relax the nervous system. Picture your breath coming up from your lower abdomen.
• Slowly repeat a calming word, mantra or phrase such as 'Peace' or 'Relax.' Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery or guided meditation; visualize a relaxing experience from either your memory or your imagination.
• Non-strenuous, slow exercises such as yoga can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
• Start your day with a 5 minute video of light shielding your body and aura. See 12D Video Here
• Throughout the day listen to nature sounds running in the background such as these: Birds in the Rain, Crickets by the Creek, Seagull Beach and Rainforest.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you find yourself in a tense situation or in the presence of others who are angry.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. This is a form of negative ego reprogramming. Angry and disconnected people tend to react and blurt out immediate inner thoughts without considering what is being said. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. In this state we do things we regret and can create harm to ourselves and others. Try replacing these harmful thoughts with more positive ones, such as self love and self acceptance. We have a helpful chart of qualities to focus on here called Mental Body Tools. For instance, instead of telling yourself, 'Oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined,' tell yourself, 'It's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to help this matter.' Refocus your mind into a more positive way of thinking.
Be careful of words like 'never' or 'always' when talking about yourself or someone else. 'This machine never works,' or 'You're always forgetting things' are not just inaccurate; they also tend to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on finding a solution.
For example, suppose you have a family member who is constantly late when you have made plans to meet. Don't go on the attack; focus instead about the goal you want to accomplish--getting you and your family member there at about the same time. Avoid saying things like, 'You're always late! You're the most irresponsible, inconsiderate person!' The only goal that accomplishes is hurting your family member's feelings.
State what the problem is, and try to find a solution that works for both of you. Be honest about how it makes you feel when your family member is late. For example, you might set your meeting time a half-hour early, so that your family member will, in fact, get there on time. Or do not meet with that family member when you have a pressed schedule. Accept that is who they are and let it go.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Comprehension of the larger picture of events defeats personal anger, because anger, can quickly become irrational or mentally obsessive. Commit to see the larger picture, depersonalize the events, and remind yourself that to bring peace into your daily life, one must practice being peaceful. Refocus your mind into peaceful and calming thoughts. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Also use the negative ego clearing tool, 5 steps to clear negative ego on the Mental Body Tools page. Learn how to refocus your mind to positive outlets and stay present in the moment.
Angry and disconnected people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things and control things their way. Many people may want these things, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. This ego controlling nature creates an emotional vampire effect. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding and controlling nature, and translate their expectations into desires being respectfully communicated. In other words, saying 'I would like' something is healthier than saying 'I demand' or 'I must have' something. When an angry, disconnected person is unable to get what they want, they will experience the common reactions--frustration, disappointment, hurt. Some angry people use their anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt feeling goes away. Most of the time their anger outburst is buried on top of many unresolved emotional conflicts and wounding they avoid addressing. Understanding the source of anger stemming from inner pain will also bring more compassionate awareness into your perception of others.
Problem-Solving
Sometimes anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable challenges in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. The best attitude to bring such a situation is to focus not on finding the solution but rather on how to handle and face the problem in the present moment. Suppressing anger is not productive, acknowledge the feeling and find a way to release the tension and stress without harming others around you.
Make a manageable plan to guide your steps and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best and be responsible but also not to criticize yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get resolved right away. Always ask your Higher Spirit Self to guide you in alignment to your highest path of resolution to the problem. Ask God for help with your problem. Doing this at night before sleeping can be most effective!
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to--and act on--conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be completely fabricated or assumed as accurate when they are not. The first thing to do if you are in a heated discussion is to slow down and think your responses through. The key is to learn how to respond rather than react. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what underlies the anger. For instance, suppose you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your 'significant other' wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting you partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back; instead, listen to what lies beneath the words. Learning to become a better listener will improve communication skills and conflict resolution considerably. Perhaps the real message is that this person feels neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part to uncover this, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger--or a partner's--make a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming disastrous.
Using the Relationship Mastery guideline will help to improve one's communication skills to find better methods of resolving every kind of relationship conflict.
Using Humor
Sometimes laughter is the best medicine and can help defuse anger in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. This will take a lot of the edge off anger; and humor can often be relied on to help un-knot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people is 'Things oughta go my way!' Angry people tend to feel that they are morally correct, that anything blocking or changing their plans is an unbearable indignity that they should NOT have to tolerate. Maybe other people do, but not them. This is stemming from negative ego superior type of thinking that the world revolves around their specific desires.
When you catch yourself feeling that way, the more chance you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. Superior type of thinking will always lead the ego to experience feeling miserable every time things do not "go your way".
There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just 'laugh off' your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy aggression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious harmful emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that need to be changed or altered for a new perspective. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel trapped into obligations, and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some 'personal time' scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. For example, a working mother might make a standing rule that when she comes home from work, the first 15 minutes will be quiet time or meditation time. With this brief respite, she will feel better prepared to handle demands from her family without feeling overwhelmed at them.
When you make quiet time surround yourself with sounds of nature to relax your mind and body.
Some other tips for relaxing stress:
• Timing and Presence. If you and your spouse tend to bicker when you discuss things at night after work--perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habitual reaction--try changing the times you discuss matters. Set a time when you are awake and aware, available for in depth discussion. This is to agree that when you both want to talk about important matters, there is a specific time set with that intention, so that these talks don't turn into tense misunderstandings.
• Refocus Attention. If you feel angry every time you walk by your child's chaotic room, shut the door. Re-evaluate the priority of focus to positive thoughts and productive ways to resolve conflicts by choosing peace. The point is to keep yourself calm in the middle of chaos, even if its being created by those you love.
• Finding alternatives. If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of frustration, give yourself a project to change the repetitiveness. Perhaps you could find a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find an alternative way to travel, such as taking a bus or commuter train. Maybe going to a class or the gym after work will help to change pace and beat the traffic. Practice acceptance and gratitude for those things that are positive in your life.
Use the Golden Rule and treat others as you would like to be treated and notice how things shift in your life!
(Source: Clearing Negative Ego)